Self Improvement

Learn How to Be Happy Being Single and Love Your Inner Self

How to be Happy Being Single

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.-Buddha

The life that we are bestowed with is truly a miracle. This precise miracle gets overshadowed with the contradictions that we live with. Contradictions like, the young want to be older and the old want to be young again; the dark want to be fair and the fair want to darken; the short want to be tall and the tall ones have their own problems. And just the same way, the single want to mingle and the ones with partners want to break free. Isn’t that complicated enough? Well, let’s take a moment and say aloud – “I am single. I am single! I AM SINGLE”. Yes. It is not to rub salt on your wounds but for you to embrace it than dread it. Acceptance is the key to great decisions. It is, in fact, very empowering. Look at you. You live your life all by yourself because you are capable of being single and independent. If you still hate your relationship status, take another moment to remember all the things you have dealt with alone.

I am single. No, I really am single and everyday I push my limits to achieve something better alone because I can’t afford to waste my time waiting for someone who may or may not show up just so I could have the cliché happy ending to my fairytale because Disney says so. No, that is not the end to my life or your life for that matter. Life is living it, not waiting for it to be over. And why on Earth would I ever want to cripple myself to the aid of a person who sees me as nothing more than a baby that needs to be constantly mothered? A person like that certainly has some serious parental issues of his own to deal with.
Why do you NOT want to be single? – Solutions to All Your Excuses
You may be whining about being single and blaming it as the cause of all your distress. Let me first help you come to terms with your relationship status and embrace it with no qualms.
  • I am bored : Get a hobby and polish your skills. Even the neighbor’s dog learns something new everyday.
  • I want a partner : Get a single buddy (male/female) to be your proxy date/partner for social events. You’ll both have someone for the dreaded +1.
  • I am depressed : Get a Netflix account and watch some comedies. I ♥ Hollywood! You can watch them online too, for free.
  • I need some romance : Heard about speed-dating? Date as many people as you like. Be feisty.
  • I hate being a single parent : Get a nanny! You won’t even have to worry about your Jude Law.
  • I can’t handle my finances : Get a second job and stop spending like a squanderer.
  • I can’t manage household chores : Omg! You gotta be Garfield, now. Time to hire help.
  • I want to procreate : Get a pet before you make such a big life decision. Babies come with a no-return policy.
  • My biological clock is ticking : This world has many orphaned children who could use some loving. Respect for Angelina Jolie, seriously.
  • I hate being alone : Get a pet again. Start chilling out with friends and create some memories.
  • I have urges : Correct me if I am wrong, but, isn’t that why people have flings?
  • I need to feel attractive : Join the gym, buy some new clothes and get flirty with a stranger (I know my ideas can be controversial). But, hey! Whatever floats your boat. No judging.
  • I want to be married/settle down : To whom? Anybody just for the heck of it? Wait for love or marry your mate.
  • I am the last single guy/girl in my gang : Get a real life! You only want to be with someone for the thrill of changing your Facebook relationship status. Plus, you are desperate! Face it.
**And if you still have any other excuses, leave a comment and I will get back to you. I promise.
There are seriously enough problems that people face being in relationships – infidelity, non-commitment, obligations, no sign of the ring, no children, no love, financial issues, temperamental differences, unreasonable restrictions, frustrating behavioral traits, and so much else.
Wanting to not be single must come from someone so special that he/she inspires you to have the courage to face all the above problems without flinching and accept the possibility of being hurt, just so you could lie down under a starry night by the beach, side-by-side, feel the cool breeze against your skin and spend beautiful moments together. For the first time, you don’t know where you are going and you just don’t want to stop because it feels sooooo goooood. You want to live every moment of it. That is the day my friend, you should stop being ‘me’ and start being ‘we’.

So, you feel terrible being single? Is that how much you hate yourself? The very fact that you are focused on the ‘single’ part instead of love gives it away. Wait for love if you are so keen on it because it may be unpredictable but it definitely exists and finds us all at its own will, when it thinks you deserve it.

“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” – Orson Welles

Why Being Single is Good

Being single should be an opportunity for you to find your true inner self, nurture it and love it. If you hate being with yourself so much, why would anyone else want to be with you? And who PUT IN the idea in your head that you must be a twosome to be truly happy? If you are a self-cursing single, you will always be oblivious to the happiness of life that is abundantly present around you. Unsurprisingly, your life is drab because that is exactly how you perceive it every single moment.
Right now, you are single and you have the freedom to make your own decisions without any liabilities. You are free to make your choices. I don’t want to pretend to be a cynic to make ‘life being single’ sound like a bed of roses in paradise. I don’t want to give you the false impression that you should never spend your life with someone because it is a path of thorns. In fact, someone once told me – “We all need someone to share our lives with”. We do. But, don’t stop your life for it. Make it so beautiful alone that when you find someone worth sharing it, it becomes even more beautiful and makes you far more attractive than a bunch of skimpily dressed people on the cover of a magazine.
To be truly happy when single is an art of realization that the past is gone, the future is yet to come and present is what you are living right now.

“To be happy when single,
you must feel complete being alone.” Urvashi Pokharna

I get it, being single can sometimes get frustrating, especially when all you want to do is pour your heart out to someone after a long and tiresome week. Ever heard about the concept of friendship? It is really not the statistic on your Facebook page. Step into the real world and make contact with your friends or make new ones. A friend will always stand by you, listen to you yak, stretch out a hand when you fall, share all your sorrows and joys. It feels amazing telling my friends and family each and every day that I love them and I will always be there for them. Somehow, it makes me feel stronger to be able to live my life, be happy being alone and still be able to look out for those so dear to me.

The day you find someone who lets you have your freedom, encourages you to venture further, brings romance to your life and still envelopes you in a strange sense of calm and safety; is the day you should be willing to trade in your self-satisfying solitude with being a couple.

That is an enriching relationship. But, you won’t find this with every person and that is why you should be happy being single till then. It is neither healthy to be desperate to have a relationship, nor is it to be a commitment phobe. It is one life to cherish so stop limiting yourself by fearing or longing for a relationship. Not every relationship doubles your wings so you can fly higher. Many manage to clip them off. It’s better to be happy alone than to be stuck in such a rut. Happiness can be found in the most unexpected places and the most astounding activities. Seldom do romantic partners inspire you to move out of your comfort zone and do something that will truly quench the innate thirst for progression inside you. Seldom do we do it for our own selves.

On the Quest for Happiness, Being Single
A lot of singles looking for a relationship are, in reality, just looking to be loved by someone. I do not say that there is anything wrong with that. But if we delve deeper on that thought, perhaps, they fear being alone or are only looking to fill the void of love that they haven’t attained. To have the desire for something, it must first be absent. The feeling of being unloved is terrible. But, it is not necessary that it must be derived from another person in order to have it. We must learn to love our own selves first. A person who loves and desires himself or herself is not bogged down by inferiority or insecurity. It is wise to accept our own flaws because we often fail to do that. Instead, we choose to ignore them completely and turn a blind eye as though they are completely non-existent or we dismiss them as anything but imperfections.
If you really yearn for a healthy romantic relationship in the future, you must perfect your present and that is – YOU. Being single, I see it as an opportunity to recognize my flaws and work on eliminating them so that I can become a better person and contribute to the enrichment of the lives of those around me as well as my own. There is so much that you still don’t realize about yourself. So, why not make it your endeavor to discover that side of you which is unbeknownst even to you? Stop waiting for someone to show it to you. Happiness is a state of mind. All you have to do is find those triggers that create feelings of happiness inside you – true happiness. I am not talking about momentary pleasure.
This is about pursuing your passions and that could be just about anything – shopping, writing, coloring, cooking, exercising (yes, some people have realized that), vacationing alone, decorating, designing, collecting, gardening, cleaning (there are modern-day Cinderellas, read ‘freaks’, like me), devoting time to an effective beauty regime, watching movies, music surfing, organizing parties, doing charity work and working for other social causes. This is your chance to pursue your passion. Make radical changes to your life because you deserve it.

Every time I think to myself, “Damn, I don’t think I can ever do that.”, pat comes the reply from a tiny voice in my head, “Challenge Accepted”. It feels great to be able to learn a new skill and prove yourself wrong. I get the kicks out of it. And then again, like I said before, we all have our flaws. Since you are single and have no commitments of time or space to be made to anyone, take this time to fight those flaws ALONE. It could be getting rid of the habit of non-punctuality, lying, lethargy, becoming a slave to vices like smoking, drinking or eating, being a spendthrift or short-tempered and all those flaws that you think keep you from becoming a better person. Use this time to reconnect with the people in your life that you have been otherwise neglecting. Once you become a twosome, it might not be possible to do that very often. Go visit your parents and old friends. Cook a meal for them or just go to an amusement park like old times when you were a child. Try to recreate memories of your childhood that remind you of the innocence-filled days when you may not have known the meaning of happiness but, nevertheless, it didn’t stop you from feeling it.

It is an unpredictable life. So make sure that on your last day, you don’t regret procrastinating things in your life. Make yourself and everyone else around you feel special. Become a self-made person rather than having to rely on someone to make you a better human being.
The way I see it as is – if a person is not happy when they are single, he/she is most likely to be a clingy partner. To my knowledge, there isn’t one happy relationship that lasted in which either partner was clingy. Save yourself and your significant other the trauma of emotional exhaustion. There are so many of us that coyly live a ramshackle and hide our own crumminess under the pretext of being single. OK, since there is nobody watching you, is that a good enough reason to be a wreck? Probably, the hobo living on the next street thinks the same. The last time I checked, that was socially unattractive. Go kid, get yourself a makeover. Make yourself feel worthwhile. Most of all, change your perceptions about life because it is as simple and as complicated as you make it.
Stop whining about being single. If you aren’t happy now, you will never be happy with someone else because the grass will always seem greener on the other side. That is not a healthy way to look at relationships. It is a recipe for disaster because you are keeping unrealistic expectations from your future partner who will, at some point, be exhausted living up to them and one day – give up. Then, you will whine about being in a relationship. Correct me if I am wrong. Happiness is deep within, not in someone else. It can only be shared for it to heighten its magnitude and spread it all around you.
The reason why you are still single and unhappy is may be you aren’t ready for an attachment yet. Look at yourself, you are not even willing to make that commitment to yourself yet. Have you wondered? Your unhappiness with your own self and your own life is probably the reason you are repelling love and relationships. That kind of negativity got no one anything better.

Your life is a mirror of your mind. It doesn’t dictate your emotions. Your thoughts do and you choose to think them.

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